Friday, January 23, 2009

Donuts – We Salute You!

What makes a donut one of the most sought after and tantalizingly delicious treats? Is it the shared use of the grease vat from last night’s sweet and sour pork? Is it the reckless and often careless use of fat and sugar filled ingredients? Maybe it’s the fact that you can get a dozen of them for a few measly dollars…However you shape ‘em, they are incredible and they transcend all race, class and social divides. Rich man, poor man, every colored man, Jews, Catholics, Muslims… we’ve all gotten caught up in the donut rage at one time or another. We’ve all spent countless hours configuring the perfect dozen in our minds, sure to include the best of every facet of the sweet treat. Here is a perfect dozen, Deez style:

2 maple bars, 2 round cakes with icing and chocolate sprinkles, 2 old fashioned, 2 twisty glazed things, a bear claw (duh), 2 round glazed with chocolate and a chocolate long john .

(Pretty sure I spent more time on that than most people do picking their fantasy football team!)

So in these dire times I urge you to pony up a few dollars and buy yourself a little fried wad of heaven. It won’t break the pocketbook and I guarantee you those delectable trans-fats and processed sugars will melt all your cares away, one sweet calorie at a time! Feel free to send me your perfect dozen...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Are we there yet?

It’s Day 1 of a new era for our country and I already feel like a bratty little kid in the back seat of a Ford Festiva on a road trip with the fam. With my professional life crumbling all around me (strangely it’s not a booming industry for party planning), I long to magically see our financial problems disintegrate…

I guess the good thing is that I really believe in Barak. Finally a politician who doesn’t sound like he’s whistling Dixie. I was moved to tears of joy yesterday by his heartfelt speech – and tears of boredom during that crackpot string quartet. I think the key concept is going to be patience and taking responsibility for getting the olde SS America steered in the right direction. Being one of little patience, it’s going to be particularly trying for me. What do you mean I can go out to fancy dinners? Can’t drink at the bar all day during sporting events? Can’t change my hair color or toe nail polish on a whim? No one said buckling down is enjoyable by any stretch…

But craning my neck to glimpse that silver lining, I can see that life really isn’t that bad. I have a pile of crazy friends that keep me entertained and occupied, my family still likes me, I do actually like to be at home and cook too! And having a President I can finally believe in? I never thought I’d see the day I could say that. I guess I’ll sit back, buckle my belt, and try to enjoy the ride- at least for now.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Can I Get A Cold Front?

It’s another smoldering day in Angel City and I have to ask…am I the only one who longs for some dark ominous clouds? Maybe a record low instead of a high? Too see my breath in the frosty morning air? A random hail storm followed by a thunderous roar? Some fucking weather dammit!! It’s January and what started as a promisingly frigid start to the winter (for us anyway), has morphed into early July.

I broke a sweat before leaving the house thing morning and I’m feeling temped to go out and get pink berry at lunch today. It should be hot cocoa for Christ’s sake! Maybe I live in the wrong city, or maybe I’ve just been here so long that the happy happy sunshine is starting to freak me out. I saw a girl at the Grove yesterday wearing velour daisy dukes, with a bikini top and Ugs folded over to the ankles. That pretty much sums up Winter in LA. I’m gonna go do a rain dance…indoors with the AC pumpin’.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Foo(d) Fighters?

I just have to say… really? People actually like this band? They are considered in a tier above known douchebags like 3rd Eye Blind and the Offspring? I think not. Just because this Dave character played with the likes of Blondie Mc Face-Off, doesn’t mean he can get away with lyrics like, “There goes my hero, watch him as he goes…” Insert any verb in here and it’s still the same redundant sentence.
I have watched this band make their rise to fame in utter disbelief. I have been forced to brave through an episode of my coveted Top Chef where they were vaulted to the likes of “food judges”… this was the final straw for me. Not even to have proven themselves as a worthy auditory past time and now they are the authority on anything culinary? And no, this was NOT an episode judging microwave burritos or barbequed potato chips.
These Fighters have crossed the line and need to be stopped…what are they fighting for anyway? That’s what they should be crooning about. In the words of actual rock star, Pete Townsend, Don’t be FOO’d again!